Ensuring your readiness before you express, admit, or confess your feelings to someone.
Amid all the hassles, ups and downs and you struggling to swim in the deep waters of life, even a glimpse of a shore gives you a sigh of relief and joy. And when in reality this glimpse is of someone your eyes get magnetised to, it becomes even more soothing but complex at the same time bringing up ‘n’ number of questions in your mind and heart.
Something very similar happened to me a few months ago. Just after almost 5 seconds when I entered that room, my heart almost skipped a beat and I went numb. I haven’t seen such a beautiful and pleasant lady like her all my life. She is different in her own way. I don’t have words actually to express that feeling but yes she is very different and unique in herself. Let’s name her fictitiously in my post here – Shanaya. Nice one!
Shanaya was wearing glasses like she still does and was sitting just opposite to me that day. I was stealing glances at her repeatedly. Sitting silently with her hair open, using her mobile phone in between, a green coloured stone ring amplifying the grace of one of her slender fingers, Shanaya’s impulsive smiles and that mole in the near expanse of her lips- drove me crazy.
A few minutes later, my brain and heart were in an argument. Brain saying: “Hey! Stop you fool! Don’t do something stupid, something which is not required at least for now!” And my heart saying: “Hey! She is awesome. So pleasant. You would be a fool ignoring her presence. C’mon, praise her for how beautiful she is looking! At least do something buddy!”
And guess what? I listened to my mind at that moment. I came to know of her name (the real one) in the introduction round of the session. Restored my senses gradually, tried keeping myself normal and continued attending the session I went to, listening to the speaker.
Did I make a mistake that day? Should I have said something like a compliment to Shanaya or something common about that session we both went for, at least to start a possible conversation?
For a few days, my heart and mind continued playing soccer and then remembering her face at every movement of the clock’s hand and considering the pleasantness and aura of her’s, I finally took a dig on myself for the time being. I know nothing supports my such decision though, that whether it was a right decision or not. But yes, I did what I felt was the right thing to do at that moment.
You also may be having some Shanaya in your life, like in my example. It happens with most of us at some moment or another in our life. Suddenly out of the blue we find ourselves facing someone to whom we want to express something or at least talk to. But then somewhere our tendencies, etiquettes developed with time in us or maybe our barriers stop us to take even a simple action. According to me, if such things happen with you, it’s perfectly alright. Don’t regret it.
“There is no such thing like a mistake. It’s what you do and what you don’t…”
There is no perfect moment in such cases particularly, unless your situation is not like a scene from a typical Bollywood movie of the ’90s wherein you didn’t get a chance of expressing yourself to the girl and then one fine day you come to know that she is flying abroad forever in the next 30 minutes and you run like crazy to express your feelings to her, for which you get a chance finally at the gates. Ohh!! Thanks to God, being a kid at that time I didn’t have that peculiar sense of judging movies those days.
It’s you who met that person, felt something for them. It’s your life. So be your own boss and make the next step or the final step towards them when you feel it’s the right time. Who’s stopping you! But yes, make the right move and at the time when you are sure about your feelings, for her or for him. When you are ready to move into a relationship in case everything tomorrow onwards goes North. When you feel confident that you can deliver for all the responsibilities on your part towards them to keep them happy and smiling always whatever be the situation or circumstance.
It was easy taking a much-expected move that day for Shanaya. But I wanted to be completely sure, confident or ready first before I take my first step. That was just the first session. Many upcoming sessions were on the schedule. And therefore, I knew there would come many such chances to me to confess or express my feelings for her, to her. The response of it would be on her part to give in whatever way or form she likes but initiating it truly falls with me for now.
Now the question arises “How to know, that you are sure about your feelings or you are ready to enter into a relationship?” There is no shortage of advice on this subject that when you should plunge into dating or a relationship. According to me, you should stay progressive or steady.
Take into consideration various factors good and bad both playing a crucial role in your life. Act sensible and mature. To ensure that it doesn’t become pain or suffering later and you sit regretting it, it’s better to take time and decide like an adult rather than a college-going teen. If you aren’t of those mature or sensible instincts or nature, just think for the other person with whom you want to be. They may be having an entirely different mindset, something more focused and genuine towards life and relationships. So, don’t try playing with yourself or someone else in this context.
Here’s are a few checks you need to make to say to yourself that Yes! You are ready for it.
1) Your all other issues are sorted
Check whether you are over from the possible insecurities or doubts from your relationships in the past. You are at peace within yourself from any of the past relationships. If your test report in such factors is okay then you are good to go. Don’t use a new relationship as an escape for your problems and issues in the present. Not complying with this will only worsen the things in your new relationship. Why put your partner in a difficult situation when they have no fault in this mess of somewhat yours.
I am already done with my past and took a lot of learnings from my previous relationship. All those learnings would obviously help me in making my future relationship healthier and stronger.
2) You’ve stopped questioning things
If you realise that you don’t hold tendencies of comparing each person to another, you could be ready. Chances of such wrong tendencies of comparing your partner or the one with whom you want to be with develop if you’ve been hurt in a relationship. But in case you have dealt with your past sensibly or properly you can go forth constructively.
Also, you shouldn’t find yourself asking your friends opinion about the person you wanna be with.
3) You don’t have a checklist to tally him or her
The green light also blinks when all your previous checklists, ideal partner definitions or your own expectations don’t matter anymore. When you realise that no one, I mean no one is going to be exactly who you thought you were going to be with.
In my case, I don’t have as such an ideal definition for Shanaya or even for any person. And by the way, wise people said: “There is no such person in this world who is completely perfect”. Then why the hell should I expect perfection, someone meeting all my expectations when I know that I cannot be perfect for her too.
4) You are truly happy in your life
Happiness first doesn’t come from outside. It lies within you. When you’re in a time where you feel good about who you are, where you’re heading and can say to yourself comfortably “I am ready for my next chapter.”, things can go well for you. When you feel contended with what you have in your life, you can think about standing next to him or her and saying what you hold in your heart, something ultimate and beautiful.
5) You know what is a compromise
You can’t expect every next day as beautiful as the last one. Ups and downs are the part and parcel of life. And relationships are not something untouched from this universal fact.
Sharing your life with someone doesn’t mean that things are always going to go your way. Your partner is also an individual like you. She also has some feelings, thoughts, opinions which matters and above all should matter to you. You have to learn to meet your partner halfway with a smile in order to move forward a relationship happily.
“Compromise doesn’t mean losing at all. It means that other person’s opinions, thoughts and feelings matter to you to make the relationship work so you both win.”
6) You complete yourself or is independent
You should be comfortable or feel complete even when you are alone. If you’ve learned to be independent and are interested in someone who is as well, the chance of a good and healthy relationship is on a higher side.
Entering into a relationship doesn’t mean that they ‘complete you’. You can learn from one another and inspire each other to be the best version, but you are completely on your own, is a better thought or should be the strategy.
7) You are a good communicator
If you have discovered the ways to communicate with someone especially in a difficult time, it wouldn’t be as difficult as you think if even have a bad past in this context.
When something bothers you rather than annoying your partner or getting aggressive you should be aware to communicate effectively and responsibly. Be empathetic. Acknowledge your mistake if you have committed one. Apologise to your partner in case you have done or said something wrong.
Everyone has its own way to communicate but it’s better to figure out the right one for yourself and understand how it can be used constructively.
8) A relationship is a want, not a need
Consider yourself ready for love or relationship when you want it but don’t need it. Wanting a relationship, believing it would be great is acceptable but needing it for your happiness is a big red signal.
The things I have covered are really great checkpoints for you to realise that whether you are ready to confess or express your feelings to her or to him.
Rest, talking about the consequences, you need not think about it as it’s not in your hand. Do what you can with all your heart and soul, with purity. If in case, the other person whom you would be proposing, expressing to or confessing your feelings gives a response you didn’t want to hear, remind yourself that he or she is also an individual. They may have bigger problems and situations. Maybe he or she is already into a happy relationship. Maybe they are not ready for the relationship or in other words, doesn’t comply with one or more points like for example I mentioned. If this is the case then they are doing the right thing.
Even in my case, if I receive an unwanted response from Shanaya tomorrow, I would still wish her great success and all happiness. May she get everything she desires in her life. May she become successful and lead masses and proves as an ideal example for everyone to follow.
Don’t feel bad in case you get disappointment in return. Many things in our life carry a hidden meaning in themselves. Maybe we look at them as very disappointing, negative or painful but later on, with the passage of time, we realise something of greater worth.
In my case for Shanaya, to be honest, though I tick many of the boxes above, still I am left with one or two, which I would surely see getting ticked soon, very soon. When I know that I wish to see her in my future holding her hand forever, it’s my duty to ensure that I don’t lack at least on the aforementioned factors or points.
I will not say or even don’t believe that for Shanaya ‘It was Love at First Sight’, No, it wasn’t. How can I say that I am in love with a lady whom I have just seen only for a few minutes and hours? In such a case, it would have been an infatuation. I want the love to grow with her and want to understand her each day. Would wish that we both see the world from each other’s eyes as well, which would help us understand each other more and more.
I know, understand and wish that you to understand the same: Love is not a noun. It’s a verb. It’s more than just sentiments and touchy feelings. Love is less about romance, more about respect. Romantic feelings come in flux depending on your mood or situations which is quite natural but respect for each other never dies down with time.
Love is a wonderful combination of daring and caring. Daring to accept the other person completely irrespective of their faults or shortcomings and expressing your lovely feelings to them.
Love is about complete acceptance. It’s a rose beautiful in its colour and fragrance but also comes with the thorns.
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